The ” OPEN” Letter.

 

Dear wonderful wordpress viewers,

just to inform you, this is an old blog post that I wrote when I felt more upset than I ever did in my entire life.

It was during a dark period of regret and I decided to release this privately published post of mine because right now, It is what I wrote and I shouldn’t feel shameful about it.

So sue me if you think this is bad.

 

August, 29, 2012

 

I think it’s about time I break my silence.

Dear readers,

In case you probably noticed I haven’t been writing as much ( If you really care about my blog you PROBABLY did notice). Well due to some unseen circumstances that happened lately, I found myself not being able to express myself how I usually can.

My writer’s block became such a big issue, It is appalling, because of how unfortunate it became to the point that apparently I can’t express myself anymore since I have a few eyes on me.

But well I don’t really care about them. The more they view my blog, the more views I get. But you know what I hate  the most about people sometimes?

They have a tendency of  banding together and acting innocent whenever there is a person at fault, I don’t know how to explain it but it feels like the Scarlet Letter.

if you ever read it or if you’ve seen Easy A, I feel like Hester Prynne  and her modern version Olive Penderghast ( played the awesome Emma Stone).Accused because of something normal that happens in life.

People expect you to burn in hell for what you did, But hey aren’t they all going there sooner or later?  it feels like the fucking Salem Witch trials here and frankly I find it silly because when some men do this sort of stuff to their GFS even their wives they act as if it is OK.

Hell they can even say it without flinching, It’s not even a big deal for them! and it’s not like the people around you don’t have faults either, but when your dirty laundry gets aired, they act so unprofessionally CLEAN.

Believe me, Even actors become speechless at how bad their Mother Mary  is, Maybe I should wear an “A” on my chest and get it over with already, because maybe that’s what society dictates.

but if I ever did wear an “A” that would be one of the biggest understatements of the century, Why? it’s because my breast size increased from a B to C cup already and I’m not the only “A” in the world because people can do the same thing I did.

When the reason is that their partner was being a complete wanker after 1 month of  “Lovey – Doveyness, And I don’t understand why I still want to talk to him, he caused a lot of things to happen to me the Following being:

1.Hormonal Imbalance

2.Stress

3.Depression(been craving for chocolate fudge cookie brownies every time he yells at me).

4.Humiliating me in public (oh that one).

5.Hurting me in public(bruise on my arm wouldn’t go away for days).

6.Divulging every little secret I have to other people and using it against me.

7.The creme de la creme on top of it all, the fact that he MOCKS it.

It does hurt to know that my blog is being dissected by some people who think of me as TOO liberal, When the question is: When has liberalism ever been wrong? Sure what I did is bad(cheating that’s how he termed it even though I never did anything with the guy).

But my god, how can you not be tempted to do that? your so called Boyfriend plays more on the physical side of life, has sex with you unprotected despite the fact that he knows you are scared of being pregnant and his methods are so careless.

But no he constantly assures you ” I’m GOOD at this”, and to make it worse he’s NOT even sure about what he’s doing.

He’s just one of those guys and up until now I don’t think he understands that what he did before is the catalyst of this catastrophe and one of these days I hope he sees that, and I just realized it as I write this that I don’t need him!

Hats off to that!

———

 

*Pardon for the crude writing… and if it seems too personal, My best friend told me it was before that’s why I only privately published it. but after reading Hal Zina Bennett’s book “WRITE STARTS” it’s always about writing from the heart and letting go of the need to always be perfect.*

 

The Book B*tch Diaries: The 1st one

bridget-jones-mad-about-boy

MAD ABOUT THE BOY

“The 51 year old Singleton”
By the GLAMOROUS Helen Fielding

Fourteen years after landing Mark Darcy*edit* she’s back!

During a day of mindless Googling I ended up on Helen Fielding’s Wikipedia page, While looking at the details of her entire life (or at least the wikipedia version of it) I spotted that she’s writing her continuation of Bridget Jones’ s life.

 Of course I was excited, another socially awkward and funny time with the Silk cut smoking-chardonnay popping diva. Who captured our attention by going through the same   social blunders we  experience in our lives.

But this time our beloved Jones is dealing with 21st century 1st world problems. (E.g twitter, WhatsApp, instagram, functioning complicated remotes, toy boys and… dare I say it. Middle age) While  raising her two children in a world without her Mr. Darcy.

Despite my bubbly introduction to Helen Fielding’s finale for our quintessential heroine’s tale . Bridget Jones: Mad about the boy has a slightly darker tale compared to its predecessors.

The first of many twisted plots start when we found out our favorite barrister is dead, (How: I can’t really tell you until you have decided to buy yourself a copy of the book) leaving Bridget alone with their children William a.k.a “Billy” and Mabel Darcy.

Despite this tearful fact, Helen Fielding still manages to get in a lot of laughs here and there, but it doesn’t change that the world Bridget lives in now is nearly as dark as a Starbucks mocha frappuccino and it is still something I can’t get over with.

To those who read the book, didn’t we all have that impression that Bridget will get her happy ever after?

Helen Fielding gives us an in depth view of what it is like being a woman in the “middle- age” of the 21st century.

She satirizes current issues the modern older woman goes through, menopausal, botox and toy boys ( younger men who have sexually beneficial relationships with older women).

and “@JONESEYBJ” (Bridget) handles these issues with the hilarious yet cool charm we all know, while still recording her thoughts, calories and now her twitter followers through a funky  mash-up of emails, texts, tweets and diary writing.

To be honest I thought I wouldn’t even get the actual book after trying to read the sample chapters on the Google play store last year if it weren’t for the fact that the book was on display in the book store I work in.

Needless to say it is still a must- read for Jones Fans out there, despite these little things that I have shared with you, because it is still the essential Bridget that we all know even though Helen Fielding wrote her in the same age mentality  which wasn’t really right for the current life time Bridget was in, In some ways it’s endearing but there are times I would  think that hopefully  my own mother won’t turn out like that. ( but I guess It’s to each her own)

Is Feminism Depressing? Ableism, mental illness and fourth wave feminism

Originally posted on bottomfacedotcom:

I took part in a discussion with a few Twitter users the other day in which we spoke about the appropriation of the term “depressing” in the title of a webchat about the effects of fourth wave feminism. This conversation took many meandering paths and we were pretty unanimous in our opprobrium of medicalised terms to discuss everyday experiences. We spoke, at length, about the myriad ways in which we, as women with disabilities, are erased from the discourse of mainstream feminism. On the one hand my instinct is to ignore the word “depressing” as something which has become deeply assimilated into our everyday conversations, but on the other I am aware of the hypocrisy of ignoring such terms whilst feeling offend by the use of other medical terms such as “schizophrenic” or “retarded” as adjectives for negative terminology. 

 My life has been full of a variety of tragic strands…

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Quotes from the writers

The great joy of the artist is to become more aware of a higher order of things, to recognize by the compulsive and spontaneous manipulation of his own impulses the resemblance between human creation and what is called “divine” creation.

Henry Miller, Henry Miller on writing

An Apology for the atrocities of being in my Youth.

Dear everyone,

I would like to say a heart felt apology to everyone that experienced being around me during my early years and today. Yes I know that I’m in my wilderness years and to some of you, most especially to my parents I have been nothing but a pain in the ass, with constant threats, paranoia and increasing fear, I learned to resent you and utter hateful words about you behind your back. Your concern for me I see it as a hinderance mainly because you try to prevent inevitable things that you are doing right now. Even as I write this I can’t help but think “damn, why can’t you just accept things for how they are? Why can’t you see that the reason I barely tell you guys anything is because of fear? Both of you scare me, but yet I love you both. Hey dad, did you know I wanted to make amends already on your birthday before you said you wanted me out? I was actually thinking of writing you a birthday card and buying a belinda carlisle vinyl record. To be perfectly honest I wouldn’t know if you will throw it out or keep it. Would you accept me again? Your prodigal daughter of 19 years.

Hey mom, did you know that I do have suicidal thoughts and I resent you for not being the mother you are supposed to be? A lot of people have been telling me to make the first move because of the reason that YOU are only THE child but then again being the child that I am.. Instead I learned to shut you out. Some would say my heart is turning into stone and I have been hearing that a lot, I let my fear control me, it stopped me from doing what is actually right and deep down I knew that, I was just too much of a pussy to overcome it. I can’t help experimenting with life and I’m sure you couldn’t too.

Dad, no matter what you say, Life is truly an adventure. It has its ups and downs, just like what happened to you. You’re always the one telling me to do what I want. Yet why do you try to reign me in too much. How can you act so righteous,  when you know you have done wrong things too. It’s the same that goes for you mom. I love you both, you nourished me to life yet I have a feeling that if you ever spotted this online you would probably get mad at me for writing my heart out with this very blog post..I don’t even think that you remember that writing is one of my strong points anymore.

I think both of you forgot me and your devout attention was focused on my younger siblings instead. You showered them with more love than you have ever shown me.. it sucks but I have to deal with it, after all being the black sheep of a “holy” family has standards.

Do you honestly think I don’t know or care about what you think? I do.. but the problem is It doesn’t stop me from doing things to myself in order to learn. I’m young I acknowledge that, but being young isn’t a crime.

I hope you see that.

MUCH LOVE,

Your daughter.

7 Reasons Why You Lose So Many Friends In Your 20s

cynicallyfabulousme:

The truth is this will really happen.

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. People change. This is so obvious but it’s the leading cause of friendship death in your twenties so we must acknowledge it. You don’t know who you are at the age of twenty but you gravitate towards who makes the most sense in that moment. Then, as you get more of a handle on yourself and what kinds of people you actually want to surround yourself with, you make necessary changes. You cut the fat. You bid farewell to those who no longer fit. This is perhaps the hardest kind of friendship loss to weather because there’s no one to blame. You both just grew into different people. And when there’s no place to pinpoint blame, the heartache can last longer.

2. People move. They move clear across the country, they move to Europe, they plant the seeds of their life somewhere that’s not close to…

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