The big question.

“Did I ever really love Big or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so unattainable?”~Carrie

There it is, the quote that had me thinking about my own love life, When I look back at my past of men,boys and the majority being in between. I realized how naive I was, how I believed everything I saw in the most cheesiest romance films HAD to happen in real life when in truth it barely happens to anyone of us at all yet we choose to believe differently,holding on to that hope that the perfect person, the creme de la creme of all things beautiful would come into our lives and sweep us off our feet. I admire the people who still choose to believe in their fairy tale fantasies but in reality, when can that ever happen? not all of us are fortunate to have that chance to grasp perfection, since life is not made that way.

Now I know that it is a little pessimistic of me, but you can’t judge me for it because it happens to all,regardless of the fact if you have experienced it or not. It will still happen to all.Do you remember your Disney Princesses? because I do, I used to think I was like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, waiting for true love. But really what is “TRUE LOVE”? I always found myself asking that question as I grew older because its such a mystery to everyone and I don’t understand how love can be true because the words ” I LOVE YOU” became so commonly used by people who forgot its important value, No matter where you go you can still hear that phrase around the world even though it is spoken in different languages. How did I become like this? well it comes from experience, I know what’s it like to be the Ff:Hurt,Cheated on,lied to,back stabbed, mentally abused and more. those things made me strong,cautious and it even woke me up from the Disney fantasy that I once had about love.

Love is not all happily ever after and it took awhile before I finally realized that,in my past relationships I saw how much of a masochist I was,I stayed with men who hurt me with their words and actions. and I don’t know why I did it. was it because of the fact that there was some part of me hoping that they would change? or was it because the heated arguments led into something else? I didn’t really know back then but no matter how much they hurt me I always ended up staying with them even if my resentment for them grew with each disagreement we had over the smallest detail. When I saw this quote of Carrie’s
it led me to write about how I and everyone in general, can relate to that quotation, has anyone ever wondered why we want someone we can’t have? how is this even love? or was it obsession?why do we keep on wanting when it hurts us? these are the questions I ask almost everyday. because it seems like it can never have a valid answer. Humans can never be satisfied with what they have because we will always end up wanting more. No matter how good the person you are with you have this tendency to find someone better, but what if that person doesn’t want you as much as you do? It hurts but maybe it’s the good kind of pain that drives our wills to go through the lengths of elaborate schemes to try and make that person feel the same way we do. But there is only a 50-50 chance for it happen, but when it does it’s the most sweetest feeling in the world. When will we have the chance to have someone who can love us as much as we love them?


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