Complete boredom overtook my day today. I don’t know why I feel so lazy,I haven’t done any crap related to college and I think I am depressed from thinking about a shitload of things ranging from a boy/man who I think completely dropped from the face of the earth to a shitty work load in college and finally my weight, I don’t know if i lost weight or gained because I have been taking slimming tea (which works), but my god I feel so uninspired today and I don’t know why! My brain isn’t functioning properly, is it the weekend blues? Or is it just me moping around because I’m a teeny tiny bit unhappy? Well whatever it is I just want this feeling out of me because this is not me! I feel so bipolar right now?(maybe I am) am I crazy or just mad depressed from the loneliness I feel inside?(which shouldn’t be the case since I enjoy talking to people too much) but does anyone feel the same way I do? Or is it just me?
Why do people feel this emptiness?it’s incredibly irritating and I am finding myself more irritated with myself and other people(specific people to be exact). And I just realized how completely stupid I sound right now funny right? It’s not like any of you would read this,its just that my mind is completely out of order right now and I’m not even drunk(been off alcohol for 3-4 months). Yeah in case you were wondering why is a 17 year old girl off alcohol so early, its because I got busted by my parents and they weren’t happy about it. The usual reason I tell people is that I suffered from alcohol poisoning which is kind of true since I kept throwing up the whole night(my liver isn’t really made of steel)you may boo me and think that I’m lame but that’s how it is with me,even though sometimes I do want a drink to loosen up but you know what? I thank God that my parents busted me or else I would’ve gone Snooki. But it doesn’t mean I can’t have a nice glass of wine every once in awhile (it’s healthy and good for the heart) just that I can’t have that while I’m still living with my dad. Everyone else thinks I still got the whole party girl vibe going on (I’m a good actress and a liar) sometimes people have to hide because they don’t want to be hurt anymore, but its not that bad to tell the truth underneath a mask. Sometimes I just get so locked down and I can’t help but recall all those things that happened to me, maybe I am mad,but do I have the strength to get over this thing going on with me? or am I too weak to control it? I never went through therapy because my parents couldn’t be bothered but well I guess I grew strong without the therapy but it still haunts me enough of my ramblings darlings you’ve heard enough of my woes i just hope you understood what I’m feeling because I write about what I feel not just fashion or whatever, I write about me and I just hope you get that.
PS: remember if someone boos you think of it as invisible applause from ghosts.
I got this from a drag queen extraordinaire @sharonneedles from #rupaul’s drag race.
(yes I watch that show nothing’s wrong with it and I apologize if what I wrote was confusing)