YOU have gone officially off the rails.

Ladies and Gentlemen,I have officially entered my depression state again and it got more shitty than before. I do not know why I enter this stage. Hell I don’t even know why this thing I call ‘depression’ even happens, I have what I want and love.. a great family,good friends and every other material thing I could possibly possess. but there’s that annoying gnawing feeling in my chest that irkes me and no matter what I do, it seems that I can’t get rid of it that’s why I’m writing (again). It seems that I need to release all my unspoken feelings right now. I will admit that I have been a bit miserable since last saturday and that was my pre-birthday celebration, Why was I miserable? Try hearing your ex on speaker-phone say that he is SO happy after that “relationship” was over. I know all of you are thinking ” Why is she so bitter?” or “Does she still love him?” My answer to the 1st one is : Yes I am slightly bitter about it, I am not going to deny it even though it hurt a little but I would never lie about it, as they say scars take a long time to heal and I’m just starting,so the wounds are still fresh despite what all of you might think (especially a certain someone who might read this) News flash: I hurt too,even though I made mistakes it doesn’t mean that everyone can’t also. I don’ t understand why people hurt others.I want to scream out badly because I’m in pain . I’m trying not to be too emotional but how can I stop the stupid tears from pouring out?this is the 1st time in awhile that I am this vulnerable. I would answer your 2nd question because you might think I still love him but I don’t, I just feel used like how he felt with me. I doubt he thinks I felt used because he thought I was “Heartless”. To be honest with all of you,I don’t really know what love is and I despise people who think that they know love even though they haven’t even experienced it. If you loved someone so much you wouldn’t leave them despite whatever mistakes they made but that is a bit far fetched isn’t it? People always leave but there are a few that come back. Maybe there are a few people who will come back in my life but I wish those people would be good,I wish someone can save me from this momentarily depression. Because I hate it. you hear me? I hate it! those people who gloat to me about their perfect little love lives. Well the best thing to say to you is STOP the bullshit.

Fuck it.

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