The Confusing Ramblings of a Girl who doesn’t often think.

What does the phrase ” I love you” mean to you? not just you but to everyone. What does it really mean? Is it something you just magically drop at the beginning of the conversation in order to make the other person feel good ? and what happens after is  you end up  leaving them confused in the end.

Then again there’s also another sort of ” I love you” the familial love that you feel whenever a loved member of the family would say that whether it would be out of the blue, it just always feels like right when they say it and it always makes you feel better than it usually does because you know that person will always be there for you no matter what, because as they say “blood is thicker than water.”

But it isn’t just familial ties that bind each other, it is the love that has always been there and my grandmother taught me that. she doesn’t always need to tell me that she loves me but she shows it in her very special way,she babies me yet she treats me like a grown woman. I always get the most sweetest feeling in the world when I am with her and when I am with her I feel so awestruck with her because she is one of my inspirations and I aspire to be just like her and my other inspirations as I grow older.

And then there’s the sort of love that you know has always been there for you no matter what the time or place. that person would just be there for you no matter what happens. whether it be something crappy about your day he/she would listen to you and try to make you feel so much better even by bribing you with the concept that there would be a pill to remove the way you’re feeling right now.

I think I have that relationship with my best friend and it’s funny because we have known each other for 3 years and surprisingly he’s still there. caring about even the most ludicrous things that I would say or do and he would listen no matter what happens.

It’s like the same thing with my Grandmother, she would always be there for me listening to me and caring no matter what the circumstances she would always still love me. I’m not saying my best friend is like my grandmother but I know both of them would be there for me no matter what.

 These past few weeks were difficult because  I couldn’t think about what to write I have a  lot of turmoil going on inside my head and it affected me so much I couldn’t really sit in front of my laptop or even try to pen a word in my journal.

The fact that these problems are crashing down on me isn’t helping at all, My brain decided to shut itself off from writing about my emotions,that instead I decided to post pictures instead of my own emotions.

I know it seemed rather stupid but forgive me for taking so long to write this because I didn’t know what to write about. and I think it’s stupid that I even thought that I can’t write about anything when in fact there are many things have been hitting me in the face for the past months. the fact that I feel something weird is  going on around me, that I would find myself wishing that these events aren’t happening now. and I wish I could finally be so happy even though I know it’s a long shot.

I wish there was a silver lining to save myself,my sanity and my family from going through rough patches in life. I wish that I can acknowledge what is happening between me and my best friend but I feel like I can’t but then again it would make sense for both of us. I trust him too much and unbelievably enough for me even though I say I don’t trust men.

I trust him. I know you lot are probably thinking what is she rambling about this time?  Is she Schizophrenic? is she bipolar? well maybe I am a hypochondriac but I don’t really know. I’d love to explain to all of you what’s been going on because I think you guys deserve so much better than hearing all this mumbo jumbo right now.

but should I? would you understand me? or is me being personal with the internet too bad? since I know a couple of people probably already know who owns this blog, but who gives a shit right? It’s like If I act like I care about those people it’s like I’m saying that I care about about what others think of me. well I don’t because I’m not going to fake myself out just like the millions of others who’s common goal is to be alike each other.Mean I know but I apologize I really do.

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