Book B*tch Diaries: Bitters and Sweets

It was a normal Tuesday night, I was waiting for him to come because we made plans to see each other since it was going to be his last week in the city  before he leaves for Jolly old Austria, I was nearly broke with nothing but a bunch of twenties scrunched up in my old broken wallet. I used my last 100 bucks just to buy myself a pack of cigarettes that I’ll probably finish in two days, yet I waited  and as each second ticked by I was getting more annoyed. Thoughts like : “ he’s going to stand me up”, “He’s such a prick” and “what a fucking cunt” kept repeating themselves in a rapid pace in my head.

Finally I was too fed up to be understanding enough even when he told me he fell asleep. “ I’m sorry I fell asleep I was so tired it’s not my fault” in his slightly accented english. I wasn’t even listening my anger at being forced to wait a total of 2-4 hours for him to get out of the city made me relentless in my word rampage.

It didn’t  matter to me that he rushed to get a cab and told the cab driver to drive as fast as he can to Cape Victory but the ice queen in me  didn’t care, I don’t usually like waiting for guys and if you ask my opinion  guys who make girls wait that long deserve punishment.

When he finally showed up , He had a goofy smile on his face as he approached me, he had his other arm hidden, like he was trying to conceal something, What was my favorite color? I told him “ I have a lot of favorite colors” . “ Is Yellow one of them?” he asked with a stupid grin  and before I could say no he showed me what he was hiding, fresh bright yellow flowers along with an apology..

Now any soft-hearted girl would have been giggling like a buffoon when a guy presents them with flowers but knowing myself what I said instead was “ this is what you give me after making me wait 4 fucking hours ?”. perplexed he said “ Yellow is the colour of forgiveness”. Forgiveness? ,You should have given me chocolate flowers instead that would have been more understandable” smiling at him, we walked along the long boulevard that was filled with pubs, restaurants that offered food of different cultures and taste.

The night was young and here we were two young – ish people out for a night of simplistic fun.   We started out with dinner, an event that was a bit difficult because of his vegetarianism, virginity to tasting Korean food and the fact that the restaurant we were eating at had to close at 11. We had Soju (an alcoholic drink that was distilled with sweet potatoes) with our hot-pot meal and while he had the vegetables of our meal I had all the meat with shots of soju as our main drinks for the evening, he talked about his trips to Cebu and bohol, the experience he had with the people there especially the fun he had playing with children who enjoyed the company of a tall caucasian youth who enjoyed goofing around as much as a child would.

We lost track of time, it was nearly 11 o clock and both of us wanted to play darts, we walked again looking for a pub with darts while still drinking the leftover soju we had in our hands, He plucked a red flower for me and said “here you go, you weirdo something in your favorite color.”
“I still don’t like flowers” I said.
“and yet you say they make you look good” he retorted with a wry smile on his thin lips. “And it is true “ I said, while drinking a sip of soju, I felt the alcohol burning in my throat already, its effects were going to hit me soon I thought, but I didn’t care I knew I looked like a lush with flowers in my hair and a bottle of alcohol in my hand. It didn’t matter though.

He clearly didn’t mind because he was waddling around like a penguin while he was making sexual innuendos about the way I walked , “oh yeah baby put your ass out”. We could not find a pub in my neighborhood that had darts. These “pubs” all had the same excuse that their darts were broken and you could only play  unless you bring your own. Which was shitty.

I made the decision of going to a pub near my work it was funny seeing him getting on a jeep and telling the driver where to drop us off in his attempt to speak the local language, when we got there we jumped over the fences looking like a pair of idiots.. The Soju made us giddy, especially me at our recklessness , when we finally got to the pub, thinking our night was going to be fun.

The barmaid told us that it was their last call, That was complete bull shit though, but we still ordered beer and played darts which was pretty fun even though he was better than me it was already 1 am or 2 am and the bar maid kept coming back to our area telling us in her very subtle way that we needed to leave. So we left but not without grabbing the bottles of beer we still had left and we took them somewhere else. And that’s when we found the most cheesiest place to sit and chill at.

We sat on the benches in front of Chili’s and then he started opening the bottles of beer we had while there was a starry night. (this was probably the most cliched date I’ve been on, yet it oddly felt romantic) we sat there while we drank beers and I smoked cigarettes, Next thing I know I started talking about my life.. the shitty and crazy parts of it. He has always called me a wall, but when I started talking to him about everything, I felt like little bricks of my facade crumbled. He was listening attentively, I told him about how trapped and lost I was and I hated it but I could not help it.

He rubbed my shoulders and told me “I understand” and I think he meant it.. then when it came to him opening up.. he looked me in the eye and honestly told me he had a girlfriend back in Austria.. and as much as I hate to admit it.. It stung.

He told me he was in an open relationship with her and then I asked “do you think she will be happy once she finds out you were doing this?” He told me “she won’t” and I told him “the only reason why she did this was because of you, She would never hurt you because she loves you too damn much to not give you what you want.”

He looked at me, the expression on his face showed me the depths of his emotions, He looked conflicted and then suddenly he realized I was right and that silenced both of us. I thought that too much has been said but  it didn’t feel that way, all I could do was rest my head on his shoulder and look at the stars next thing you know he told me ” Well you made yourself unforgettable”


Puzzled I asked, how did I make myself unforgettable? I thought sex was the one thing that would make me that remarkable to you and he said “no it isn’t” he stared me in the eye and I couldn’t help but keep eye contact, I didn’t turn away when he leaned in to kissed me, the kiss itself was full of conflict and sadness. During that night all I kept thinking about was how I wish I didn’t pour my heart out to him and my suspicions about him were right. He seemed too good to be true.

And my gut told me I was correct, Nonetheless that didn’t stop him  from kissing me again and telling me more about his life in Austria, we ended our night on a high note with promises to see each other again as friends but that didn’t stop him from telling me that if he stayed here  longer he would’ve fallen in love with me and then he kissed me again.. Honestly it didn’t help what I thought about him.

in the end I felt like an idiot, a happy one though.


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